Santa's Elves don't make this unique brand of crap.  
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Thanksgiving On A Stick
Have you ever seen those 800 pound people and wondered how they got that way.  I mean, how does someone that is too large to get out of bed, get more food?

They have a co-dependent relationship with another person.  That person brings them food and doesn't require them to do anything.  They don't even have to get out of bed!  

I need some of THAT!  If I did have a co-dependent food provider, I would demand that they make me Thanksgiving on a Stick.  Because if they did make me Thanksgiving on a stick, I would be able to eat and watch the football games.  That would be awesome!